Why Constellations Work for Change, or When Change Feels Stuck:

You've decided to change, but nothing moves. Why change gets stuck in the systems we belong to, and how constellations help it move again.

By Norma O'Kelly · October 2026 · 7 min read

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When you know, but you can’t move

You’ve made the decision. Maybe it’s leaving a job that’s been draining you for years. Maybe it’s a new role you said yes to and still can’t fully step into. Maybe it’s a restructure at work that everyone agreed on in the meeting and nobody has actually done since.

You know what needs to happen. You’ve talked it through, written the list, maybe even told people. And still, something holds you in place.

Most of us read that as a personal failing. Not enough discipline, not enough courage, not enough clarity. So we push harder, and the harder we push, the more firmly we seem to stay stuck.

When change won’t move, it’s very often not because you’re doing it wrong. It’s because a system you belong to hasn’t caught up with you yet.

Why change gets stuck

We never change on our own. Every one of us belongs to systems: a family, a team, an organisation, a profession, a community, a line of people who came before us. Those systems shape what feels safe, what feels allowed, and what feels like disloyalty.

Belonging is the deepest need in any system. So when a change threatens our place, even a change we genuinely want, something in us pulls back. Leaving a secure career can feel like turning your back on parents who worked hard for that security. Earning more than your family ever did can feel strangely dangerous. Taking up a leadership role can feel like stepping out of line.

None of this is happening in your thinking mind. You can know, rationally, that the change is right. But the loyalty sits deeper, in the body and in the relationships you carry inside you. That's why insight alone so often isn't enough.

There's something else, too. In my experience, grief is the biggest precursor to change. Every real change involves an ending: an identity, a way of working, a version of the future you had planned. When that ending isn't acknowledged, we keep one foot in the old place. The new thing can't fully arrive because the old thing was never properly honoured.

What a constellation actually is

Constellations work grew out of Bert Hellinger's family systems work and was brought into coaching and organisations by people like John Whittington, with whom I trained and his school. The idea is simple. Instead of only talking about a situation, we lay it out in space.

In a one-to-one session, that might mean placing objects on a table or markers on the floor: one for you, one for your current role, one for the change you want, one for your family, one for whatever feels most present. In a group, people can stand in as representatives. Then we look, and we notice. Who is close? Who is far away? Who is facing the future, and who is turned towards the past? What happens in your body when you stand in a particular place?

It sounds almost too simple. But time and again, people see in a few minutes what months of talking couldn't reach.

Five reasons

Why constellations work when change is stuck

01

They show what words can't say

We have three intelligences: head, heart and gut. Most change work speaks only to the head. A constellation lets you see and feel a situation from the outside, so the heart and gut get a voice too. Clients regularly tell me they didn't know something until they saw it.

02

They reveal the loyalty underneath

When your system is laid out in front of you, the hidden loyalty often becomes visible. You see who you've been standing beside, or standing in for. Once it's seen, it can be respected rather than fought, and something softens.

03

They honour the ending

A constellation makes space to acknowledge what came before: the job, the people, the old way, the version of you that got you this far. When the past is given its rightful place, it stops pulling at you. You carry its gifts forward without carrying its weight.

04

They put you in your right place

Systems run on order. Those who came before hold a place, and so do you. Much stuck energy comes from standing in the wrong place: carrying someone else's role, holding responsibilities that were never yours. Finding your own place often brings immediate relief and strength.

05

They show the next step

A constellation rarely hands you a five-year plan. It gives you the next good step, the one your whole system can live with. Sometimes that's leaving. Sometimes it's staying for now and resourcing yourself well. Sometimes it's something in between. Because it comes from the whole picture, it tends to hold.

What it feels like in practice

People are often nervous before their first constellation, so let me be clear about what it is and isn't. It isn't therapy, though it can sit very well alongside it, and I'm always happy to speak with a client's therapist. It isn't mystical theatre. And you're always in charge of how far we go.

With individuals, I usually work with objects or floor markers, slowly, checking in as we go. With teams, I keep it simple and practical: short exercises everyone can take part in, never deeper than the team can handle. What tends to surprise people most is how gentle it is, and how much clearer they feel afterwards.

Signs your change might be stuck systemically

• You've made the same decision more than once without acting on it.
• You feel an odd guilt about wanting more.
• You keep arriving at the same place in different jobs or relationships.
• You understand your patterns well after coaching or therapy, but they still run the show.
• Your team agreed a change and quietly carried on as before.

None of these mean you're stuck for good. They usually mean the system needs to be seen before it can move.

Making room for change

Change isn't only something you do. It's something your whole system has to make room for. When that system is seen and respected, the change you've been pushing for can finally find its way through, often more gently than you'd expect.

One to one

Explore what's holding your change in place

A relaxed, free conversation to see whether systemic coaching and constellations are right for you.

Book a free connection call

Experience it in a group

Into Winter: a Sound Constellation afternoon

Sunday 22 November 2026 · 2pm to 5pm

Escapada, Dún Laoghaire

With Natasha Friess on gongs

Parking is limited, so public transport is best.

Reserve your place

Questions people ask

Why do constellations work for change?

Constellations make the hidden dynamics of a system visible, such as loyalties, unacknowledged endings and people standing in the wrong place. Once seen and respected, these dynamics often stop holding change back, and a clear next step emerges.

What does it mean when change feels stuck?

It often means the change threatens your sense of belonging in a system you're part of, such as your family or organisation, or that an ending hasn't been acknowledged. It's rarely a lack of willpower.

What happens in a constellation session?

Elements of your situation are represented with objects, floor markers or people. You look at how they relate, notice what you feel, and explore small movements that bring more ease and clarity.

Is constellations work the same as therapy?

No. Systemic coaching with constellations is a coaching approach focused on your present situation and next step. It can complement therapy, during it or between blocks of it.

NO

About Norma

Norma O'Kelly is a systemic coach and organisational constellations practitioner based in Dublin, and founder of Beyond the Norm. She trained in Coaching Constellations with John Whittington and spent 22 years in big tech and global brands before stepping out on her own.

Connect on LinkedIn

© 2026 Beyond the Norm · Dublin, Ireland

hello@normaokelly.com

5 signs your team could benefit from a systemic coach

Everyone is talking about AI transformation.

Not many people are talking about the teams living inside it.

The restructures and the redundancies. The colleagues who are just gone. The ones who stayed. Doing more work. In a team that is still trying to understand who they are now.

This piece is for HR professionals and the leaders who genuinely care about their people — not just the output.

The ones who are watching productivity hold, just about, while quietly sensing that something underneath it is not right.

Change fatigue is real. And it is being made worse by the language we keep reaching for to describe it. Resilience. Agility. Transformation. These words have been used so many times, for so many changes, that they have lost their meaning. People hear them now and feel tired before the sentence is finished.

What follows is simpler than that.

1. People are working harder and connecting less

The work is getting done. But something that used to be there is not there anymore.

People show up. They deliver. And then they go. The conversations that used to happen in between, the ones that were never in any meeting agenda but held everything together, those are gone.

AI took over some of the tasks. But it did not replace what those tasks gave people: a reason to be in the room together. Their purpose.

When humans lose the ordinary moments, they lose the thread and connection to each other. And productivity built on disconnection has a short shelf life.

2. There’s a weight in the room that nobody is naming

Layoffs leave something behind. Not just the empty desks.

They leave a feeling. And that feeling is complicated. The people who stayed did not just feel lucky. Some felt guilty. Some felt angry. Some felt both at the same time in the same meeting and had no idea what to do with that. So they put it away. And got on with it.

The system..the team, the organisation carries that weight whether anyone talks about it or not.

In systemic work, we say: what is excluded, returns. What is not acknowledged, does not disappear. It goes somewhere. Usually into the body. Or the culture.

Change fatigue is not weakness. It is what happens when people are asked to keep moving without ever being allowed to stop and recognise what was lost.

3. One person seems to be feeling it for everyone

This is one of the most important signs. And the most misread.

In every team going through difficulty, there is often one person who appears to be struggling more than the rest. They might be more emotional than seems reasonable. More vocal about what is wrong. More hurt by the changes than anyone thinks they should be.

They are often labelled as the problem. Too sensitive. Not coping. A performance issue.

In systemic work, this person is usually not the problem. They are carrying something that belongs to the whole team. The grief, the anger, the fear — that the others have had to set aside in order to function. This person did not numb fast enough. Or did not want to.

They are a messenger. The system is speaking through them.

HR and leaders who care will look at this person differently. Not as a case to manage, but as a signal to read. The question is not: what is wrong with them? The question is: what does this team need to say that it hasn’t been allowed to say yet?

4. Decisions feel stuck even when the direction is clear

The strategy is set. The tools are in place. But something keeps not moving.

Teams resist — not because they don’t understand the plan, but because the plan hasn’t acknowledged what came before it. When people feel that what mattered to them has been quietly erased, they stop trusting the next thing. Not loudly. Just slowly. They comply without committing. They attend without engaging. They nod while something inside them does not move.

This is not obstruction. This is a system protecting itself until it feels safe enough to move forward.

5. The leaders who care most are starting to doubt themselves

The loyal ones. The ones who stayed because they believed in the team, the culture, the mission. The ones who absorbed the anxiety of those around them and tried to hold it all together.

They are exhausted. And they are starting to wonder if caring this much is actually a problem.

It is not. But it is unsustainable without support.

A leader who is loyal to their people and to the system is an asset. But loyalty without a structure to hold it becomes a weight that one person carries alone. Systemic coaching gives that leader somewhere to put it down — not to give up on the team, but to see it more clearly.

What systemic coaching actually does

It does not fix people. It does not run resilience workshops or deliver keynotes about bouncing back.

It helps a team see itself. What it is carrying. What it has lost and not yet acknowledged. What it already knows but hasn’t found words for.

When a team can do that, when the unspoken things find language, when the grief has somewhere to land, when the person who was carrying everyone else’s feelings no longer has to do it alone something shifts.

The decisions that were stuck start to move. The person who seemed like a problem starts to settle. The leader who was holding everything starts to breathe. The work gets lighter, not because the work has changed, but because the weight beneath it has finally been named.

That is not a soft outcome. That is what makes the productivity sustainable.

If something in this list is landing, if you recognise a team, a person, a pattern I’d be glad to have a conversation.

Not about fixing. About seeing clearly.

How to overcome imposter syndrome: 6 coaching strategies and exercises

Feeling like a fraud in work or life?

This guide will show you how to overcome imposter syndrome with 6 simple coaching strategies.

You have a sneaking suspicion that you’re sh*t.

You’ve completed the certifications and got years of experience under your belt.

And yet, there it is: that creeping doubt that you don’t deserve to be here, and you reckon that any day now your shortcomings are going to come out. 

Sounds like you’ve got a classic case of imposter syndrome. AKA that persistent feeling of doubt and inadequacy that nags at you DESPITE evidence of your success. 

Another certificate or course won’t solve it. And another career milestone won’t make it go away either. 

If you really want to give imposter syndrome the heave-ho? You need to look at it through a systemic coaching lens. 

Ready to overcome imposter syndrome? 

Let’s unravel it step-by-step…

Find a way past the Imposter - Book a Coaching Session 

What causes imposter syndrome?

Did you know imposter syndrome is actually more prevalent among high-achieving people? Yep. Not-so-fun fact: it’s more common among perfectionists and those in leadership roles. 

You might blame a competitive workplace environment or assume imposter syndrome is simply a self-esteem issue.

But to really understand why you feel ike an imposter, you need to zoom out for sec, and look at the unspoken dynamics in your family, work, and cultural systems. 

At its root, imposter syndrome can stem from:

• Unconscious loyalty to family dynamics (“No one in my family was successful. I can’t outshine them.”)

• Inherited beliefs around worth, visibility, or success

• Organisational roles that trap us in over-functioning or people-pleasing patterns

  And you thought you just needed to deepen your skillset, eh? 

  The truth is much more straightforward. Imposter syndrome will always be there, no matter how skilled, talented, and competent you become, UNLESS you learn to unlearn these patterns.

  What imposter syndrome’s really saying.

You know that “I’m a fraud” feeling that’s basically the hallmark of imposter syndrome? What it’s really saying is “I don’t belong here.” 

Or perhaps more accurately, “I haven’t EARNED the right to belong here.” 
It arises when we question our right to exist in a role, community, or level of success. But here’s the reframe: 
Belonging isn’t something you earn through perfectionism, overwork, or more training. Your belonging is inherent. 

Early in life, you might have learned that love, attention, and approval are conditional and based on your performance. (Think of some of the praise or criticism you received at school!) 

These early experiences form invisible belief systems, like:

• “I must work hard to be accepted.”

• “If I make a mistake, I’ll be rejected.”

• “I have to be the best to be safe here.”

Now, can you see how these beliefs feed into imposter syndrome and that feeling of not quite measuring up? 

Good! It’s time to challenge those beliefs so you can stop trying to constantly prove yourself and start feeling like you belong. 

Here’s how…

Ready to Move past these beliefs? 

How to overcome imposter syndrome in 6 steps

1. Explore your systems

Looking at the systems you are a part of might not be something you’re familiar with, but it’s an incredibly valuable tool, because none of us operates in isolation. 

We’re all part of systems (like family, work, and cultural systems) and, as you’ve just learned, those systems impact how we see ourselves and our place in the world.

And when they aren’t working in our favour? You best believe they contribute to rules and expectations that feed into the very thing you’re trying to conquer: Imposter syndrome. 

So take five minutes right now, grab a pen and paper, and map out the systems you are a part of. 

Make sure to include the main characters in those systems, like mentors, managers, peers, family members, and friends. 

Once you’ve got that done? Ask yourself some tough love questions. (This is your chance to be really honest with yourself!) 

• Is there someone whose story or journey I relate to deeply, and does that connection sometimes make me question my own path?

• What old family or cultural stories about success and worthiness do I carry with me? 

• When have I noticed myself dimming my light or quieting my voice, and what was happening around me at that time?

• What parts of myself feel “too much” or “not enough” in my current work or relationships?

Can you see how these (often invisible) influences contribute to that feeling of not enoughness or what I call not enough-itis? 

2. Question your loyalties

Imposter syndrome isn’t just about how we relate to ourselves. It’s about how we relate to others, specifically the loyalties we have to them. 

And it’s these hidden loyalties that can keep us playing small and questioning our abilities. 

Sometimes, we can feel like imposters, not because we’re incapable but because we're loyal to someone else’s limitations. 

Maybe a parent sacrificed their ambitions to raise you. Or a sibling struggled, and you don’t want to outshine them. 

These inherited dynamics can show up as guilt, sabotage, and unworthiness.

Now that you’re aware of these loyalties, a reminder can be helpful.

Repeat after me:

You’re not betraying anyone by succeeding!

Repeat after me: You’re not betraying anyone by succeeding

Imposter syndrome isn’t just about how we relate to ourselves. It’s about how we relate to others, specifically the loyalties we have to them. 

3. Ask yourself, “Am I out of sync?” 

Sometimes, imposter syndrome shows up simply because you aren’t where you’re meant to be. I don’t mean that in a wishy-washy or ‘woo woo’ sense. 

No, I’m talking about that deep ‘out of sync’ feeling we get when we’re living in systems we simply don’t want to be in, like a job that drains you or a leadership role you thought you really wanted.

When you’re trying to prove yourself in a space that isn’t truly yours, it’s natural to feel like a fraud.
This is your opportunity to reflect on where you are holding on to something to meet expectations (yours or someone else’s) or to prove yourself to others. 

This can be a scary step. It involves being totally honest with yourself, but it’s also where you’ll find the clarity you need to move forward. How to realign with your values

• Identify your core values first. Make a list of 5-10 values that matter most to you. Don’t overthink it. Just jot down what immediately comes to mind. 

• Spot the disconnect. Take a look at your life and consider where you might be neglecting these values. (This step will take a little time. Don’t rush it!) 

• Make small tweaks. Now you know where you’re out of alignment, it’s time to think about what small changes you make to live closer to your values. 

• Turn those tweaks into daily habits. Change isn’t a one-time thing, it’s an everyday thing! Every day, ask yourself how you can live in alignment with your values. 

4. Reconnect with your strengths

If imposter syndrome has been dominating your inner dialogue, I’ll bet you haven’t given much thought to the things you’re good at recently. 

(Imposter syndrome likes to remind us where we’re falling short, after all!) 

To flip the script, you can write a list of your biggest strengths, but a tool I really like to use is tapping into the positive attributes you’ve inherited. 

Because the systems you are a part of aren’t always detrimental, often they can be a force for good. 

Try this:

• Think about someone in your family who inspires you. What qualities do they embody?

• When you feel self-doubt, remind yourself that you carry some of that strength too.

5. Recognise that you don’t need to know it all 

There’s a sneaky way that imposter syndrome shows up, and it’s over-preparedness. 

Believing you have to know it all to be credible, successful, and respected often means obsessing about what you don’t know and taking endless certifications and qualifications to close the gap. 

And it makes sense that you feel that way, because so many of our cultural systems - from school to corporate settings - reward certainty, competence, and confidence. 

But not knowing everything isn’t a flaw. It’s human, and a reframe can help you recognise that. 

Try this…

Instead of “I should know this already,” try “I’m allowed to be learning.”

Instead of “I’ll sound stupid if I ask,” try “I’m modelling courage by asking.

6. Reconsider your roles

If imposter syndrome had a voice, it would probably say: “You don’t belong here.” 

More often than not, that loud voice belongs to a role you have unconsciously taken on. 

Maybe the quiet one who didn’t take up space, the overachiever who always had to be two steps ahead, or the one who always had to prove their worth. 
These roles can help you succeed, but they can sabotage you, too. How? Because they keep you stuck in survival mode and make you work twice as hard to feel enough. 
You don’t need to abandon the roles that helped you survive, but you can adapt them so they serve you better. 

Try this… 

• Name the role you often fall into when imposter syndrome flares up.

• Ask: What did this role help me with? And what is it costing me now?

• Then get curious: What new role might serve me better?

  (Spoiler alert: It’s one rooted in confidence, ease, and trust.) 

Ready to move Past Imposter to a

more Resourced and confident You?

Imposter syndrome is simply a sign that you have inherited certain beliefs that are keeping you stuck. And the good news is your beliefs can always be reinvented. 

A final thought

Imposter syndrome can easily convince you that you are a fraud. But that’s not the case. 

Imposter syndrome is simply a sign that you have inherited certain beliefs that are keeping you stuck. And the good news is your beliefs can always be reinvented.

Stopping people pleasing: How to unlearn people pleasing behaviour

Always put others first?  

This guide to stopping people pleasing will help you set boundaries, say no, and put YOU back on the priority list.

Ah, people pleasing. You know it’s not sustainable; always saying yes, putting others first, and keeping the peace no matter what. 

Chances are you’ve landed on this page because you know your people pleasing tendencies NEED to stop. 

I’ll level with you, stopping people pleasing ain’t easy, especially when you fear every people-pleaser’s worst nightmare: letting other people down. 

(Can anyone else hear the theme tune of Psycho playing faintly in the background?!) 

But nobody panic. 

In about two minutes, I’m going to give you a bunch of tools to stop people pleasing in a way that won’t make you feel like a total asshole or lead to a bunch of conflict and discomfort. 

But first, are you actually a people pleaser? Let’s find out… 

 Psst! Never want to worry about

being a people pleaser again?

My one-to-one coaching sessions

will help you kick the habit for good.

What is a people pleaser? 

By definition, a people pleaser is someone who puts other people’s needs before their own, which, on the surface, sounds like a pretty cool and admirable thing to do. 

Trouble is, people pleasers often prioritise others to avoid conflict or to be liked and to fit in. 

The other issue? When you’re super busy making sure everyone else is happy, it usually means your own needs and wants routinely fall to the wayside. 

And that can have some serious downsides if it’s not corrected over time. We’re talking anger, frustration, self-worth and self-esteem issues, anxiety, and a loss of self. 

If you’ve just found yourself nodding along (and have now diagnosed yourself as a card-carrying people-pleaser), don’t panic. 

The first step to stopping people pleasing is to recognise the habit and then slowly unravel it.

Before we do that, we need to answer one big question… .

What causes people pleasing? 

If stopping people-pleasing is your goal, understanding why you do it is pretty damn important. 

Why do you often say ‘yes’ when you want to say ‘no’? Why do you need other people’s approval to feel good? 

People pleasing behaviour usually stems from one of these…. 

Low self-esteem: Yep, if you don’t value yourself, then you’ll probably have a pretty hard time recognising your needs and wants as a priority. Ergo, everyone else comes first! 

Fear of conflict: You don’t like confrontation. I mean, who does? People pleasers, though, are really worried about confrontation and will do pretty much anything to avoid it, including staying quiet, when they really should speak up. 

Family experiences: Your past shapes your present in a big way when it comes to people-pleasing behaviour, and if you always played the role of caregiver and emotional regulator in your family when you were growing up, there’s a big chance you’ll have people pleasing tendencies as an adult too. 

Insecurity: When you’re unsure of yourself, you’re more likely to seek validation and approval from others. And that often means we do our best to please others so we can be accepted and liked. 

Perfectionism: If you’re the kind of person who wants to do everything to the highest standards, then you’ll probably set unrealistic expectations in your relationships too. 

That can look like avoiding conflict at all costs and saying ‘yes’ so you can be the perfect child/parent/colleague/friend. 

Recognise yourself in any of these patterns?

That’s a good thing. Awareness is the first step to change. So, let’s go… 

6 steps to stopping people pleasing 

1. Get comfortable saying ‘no’ 

I know what you’re thinking. Easier said than done, right? For the people pleaser, saying ‘no’ feels like lobbing an insult at someone, but what if you reframed it? 
What if saying ‘no’ wasn’t a rejection, but a protection? It doesn’t just protect your time, energy and wellbeing, it also leads to greater integrity in your relationships. 
Because after all, do you really want to do things for other people begrudgingly? 
When you say ‘yes’ when you really want to say ‘no’, you feel angry and resentful, and those emotions aren’t doing you or the people close to you any favours.

By saying no, you are ensuring that you can give the right energy to the people around you when it matters most.

You can show up fully. 

2. Start disappointing people 

If just reading that sentence made you feel uncomfortable, I totally get it! 

Nobody likes to feel like they’re letting others down, but if stopping people pleasing is your goal, you need to make peace with the fact that you can’t satisfy everybody all of the time. 

So consider this your permission slip to start refusing requests that don’t align with your priorities. Look for small ways to put this into action. 

Maybe it’s turning down that Zoom call or saying no to a favour you just don’t have the capacity for. 

The really good news? The more you do this, the easier it gets. Slowly but surely, you teach your nervous system that the world doesn’t end when you say no. 

3. Let go of being ‘the good one’ 

Has being the good, reliable, caring and easy-going one become your identity? Do you pride yourself on being someone friends and family can rely on, no matter what? 

That’s admirable, but you can probably admit it’s also pretty suffocating. 

Family and professional structures can reward you for playing this part, but there’s an emotional load that comes with being the person who always drops everything, keeps the peace, and has all the answers. 

Stopping people pleasing behaviour means letting go of the roles that no longer serve you. Wondering how exactly you do that? 

Start by rewriting the script. Literally! 

Take these prompts, put pen to paper, and start filling in the blanks: 

"I’m allowed to stop being the one who always _______."

"I’m allowed to be the one who _______."

See if you can come up with five for each.

One focuses on letting go of roles that no longer serve you, while the other gives you permission to choose yourself. 

4. Use your values as a filter 

If your immediate response to that heading is, “Um, but what are my values?”, consider yourself a bona fide people pleaser! 

When people pleasing is your modus operandi, you don’t give much thought to what truly matters to you.

You’re too busy managing everyone else’s needs, expectations, and feelings. 

Now’s your time to figure out what’s actually important to you. (And when you do that, prioritising your own needs becomes SO much easier.

Start by asking yourself:

• What actually matters to me in life and work?

• What do I want to stand for?

• What do I want to feel more of each day, and what do I want to feel less of?

Then write down your top five values, AKA the things that feel most important to you when you strip away the noise. These values become your filter. Values like trust, freedom,

So, next time you’re about to say yes to something, ask yourself: Does this align with my values? 

It’s not about being difficult (heaven forbid!) but remembering that you and your values matter too. 

5. Set boundaries (and actually mean it!)

A people pleaser’s boundaries can be described as ‘lax’ at best and ‘non-existent’ at worst. 

For the people pleaser, boundaries are akin to being difficult and disappointing people. But not having them is only harming one person: YOU. 

So, how do you figure out your boundaries and, more importantly, enforce them? 

Start by identifying your limits. 

Where are you currently feeling drained, frustrated, or resentful? (

These emotions are usually a good sign that boundaries are lax and people pleasing is at play!) 

Once you’ve identified these areas, put pen to paper and reflect on what your needs are. What boundaries do you need to make these areas more manageable, peaceful, and balanced? 

And now that you’ve got those boundaries? It’s time for the tough part: consciously enforcing them.
Enforcing boundaries means sticking to your decision, EVEN when it feels uncomfortable. It’s stopping people pleasing 101: you need to say no (without guilt!) and prioritise your own needs (without feeling bad about it.)  

Here are some phrases to help you get started: 

• "I can't take this on right now."

• "I need some time to myself."

• "That doesn't work for me at the moment."

  
  6. Expect resistance 

Is everyone going to love this new assertive version of you? No. People who frequently overstep will be the first to get annoyed when you stop people pleasing.

Will they get used to it? Yes. 

This is probably the hardest part of stopping people pleasing. You’ll need to learn to stand your ground and to remember that you aren’t being difficult, uncaring, or selfish. 

You’re simply protecting your own mental and emotional health. And when you think about it: only when you prioritise your own needs, do you have more to give to others. 

Although the change is hard,

You’ll be learning to stand your ground and to remember that you aren’t being difficult, uncaring, or selfish. 

You’re simply protecting your own mental and emotional health. And when you think about it: only when you prioritise your own needs, do you have more to give to others. 

And if you’re thinking,

“I need accountability to make this change?”

That’s exactly what you’ll get in my one-to-one coaching sessions. 
It’s everything you need to understand why you people please, and shift those behaviours for good (without feeling bad about it!) 

‘Cause it’s time to put YOU back on the priority list!

P.S. listen to my Podcast episode - Career Change at 40 - is it to late? Spoiler No, its Your time